


save your love

by idlesong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23275306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idlesong/pseuds/idlesong
Summary: Jaehyun is not a shoulder to cry on unless he's asked to be, won't give advice unless it's asked for. Principally, Doyoung doesn't need to be saved, he just needs a ride home.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 18
Kudos: 110





	save your love

**Author's Note:**

> **some content warnings:**  
>  \- unhealthy relationship dynamic, depending on your interpretation  
> \- implied dysfunction in an established relationship  
> \- general pining and heartache
> 
> [inspired by susie save your love by allie x ft mitski](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRPyeNt5Wdg)  
> 

At a quarter-to-three, Jaehyun gets a text he expects around this time. His dry eyes blink at the bright screen, trying to wake up. His body is out of bed before his mind.

_Can you come get me?_

He shouldn't be glancing down at his phone as he takes his car down the familiar route, but he worries that he'll receive another, more concerning message. As this started to become a habit he insisted that he would always be willing to drive, no matter how late it was. He was placated knowing he was the one to get Doyoung home safe.

Jaehyun struggled convincing Doyoung that he would always go pick him up when he was in this situation, with no judgement felt towards its increasing frequency. The judgement doesn't exist, but his concerns do. Neither of them are voiced out loud.

Jaehyun is not a shoulder to cry on unless he's asked to be, won't give advice unless it's asked for. Principally, Doyoung doesn't need to be saved, he just needs a ride home.

That's okay. Jaehyun can do that. He never describes it as _the least he can do_ because that implies he should be doing more. Doyoung would hate that.

_Jaehyun?_

It's now that Jaehyun realizes he forgot to reply to Doyoung's text—his movements after reading it were automatic. He turns on his right-hand blinker and pulls over for just long enough so he can text back, _I'm a block away_.

If he were more courageous he would protest as soon as Doyoung got into his car, tell him in no halting words that he needs to stop this. He needs to stop getting into Jaehyun's car at hours when he should be home asleep, regardless of how upsetting that thought is. But Jaehyun will hold back unless Doyoung asks him what he should do.

Doyoung has never been anything but resolute, known exactly what's good for him for as long as Jaehyun's known him. Even when Jaehyun used to have him on his back, making Doyoung moan his name until his voice grew hoarse, Doyoung was always in control.

 _"Faster," he directed him. "Fuck—Jaehyun, harder."_ He never hesitated in asking for what he wanted. Wouldn't be afraid to snap at Jaehyun if he hesitated, so Jaehyun learned to oblige when he was told.

Doyoung only conducted himself with aplomb. It seemed as though he possessed no uncertainty. When Jaehyun finally caught it, it disappeared in a fraction of a moment.

_"I'm happy," he said. "Really happy.”_

So Jaehyun believes him, because Doyoung is never wrong. If he makes a mistake, he'll correct himself, but he hasn't about this. Doyoung must be fine.

The streetlights are dim compared to the neon signs that float above the sidewalks, giving pedestrians cherry-red halos as they pass the bar. Jaehyun spots him as he pulls onto the side of the street, but he doesn't honk. Doyoung sees him, but he won't get into the car until he finishes his cigarette.

Between the red storefront and the blue beer signs, Doyoung is ultraviolet, each drag he takes shorter than waves of light. As tired as he looks, Jaehyun still thinks he's beautiful, purple adornments of exhaustion beneath his eyes.

Jaehyun became familiar with seeing Doyoung in this state when he used to wake up early beside him, always trading in rest for work. Being up at this hour was Doyoung's long-term habit. And Jaehyun would only stay up with him when he thought Doyoung needed the company—but he never did. He would never tell Jaehyun to go to bed, since Jaehyun could elect to do it himself. Doyoung never coddled him.

But when they finally lay beside each other, Doyoung would hold him so closely that Jaehyun could feel Doyoung's chest rise and fall against his cheek. The sound of his heartbeat was a somnolent metronome.

"Hey," Doyoung says as he gets into the passenger seat.

"Did you drive here?" Jaehyun asks, casting a quick look at the cars lined up against the bar's walkway.

"I walked."

"Doyoung—" _It's freezing out_ , Jaehyun wants to say, but he stops himself. Doyoung knows what's best for him.

"I needed the air," Doyoung says in a supposed response to Jaehyun's unasked question.

Jaehyun starts the car again, lets his grip drop low to the steering wheel once he's turned back onto the street. The drive isn't long but Doyoung's silence extends time and space. Doyoung is millions of light years away, and Jaehyun still goes to get him.

It's as though Doyoung doesn't want to acknowledge that this is happening again. Jaehyun will comply until it becomes unbearable. Being uneasy is not enough. Most nights he knows Doyoung gets home without trouble, gets into a bed that's already warm, and sleeps more hours than he used to sleep next to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun, too, does all the same—except his bed is usually cold. He doesn't wish for Doyoung to be there, because he knows it would be a disrespect. Even in his most private thoughts he never wants to hurt Doyoung. It's not because he thinks Doyoung to be fragile. His vulnerability is the only strength he doesn't realize.

_"You know I care about you, right?" Doyoung hadn't once looked away, even knowing this was difficult for the both of them. “Jaehyun, I would do anything for you."_

In the accumulating years, Jaehyun wanted for nothing from Doyoung. He just wanted him, in any capacity, to be safe and to be happy. But Jaehyun could not dictate the reasons why, and so he never asked for the anything that Doyoung promised him.

Jaehyun didn't pledge the same, but Doyoung knew that the promise was mutual when he said it. Otherwise he wouldn't have admitted it. He reveals as steadfastly as he does anything else.

When Jaehyun turns onto the residential street, he hears Doyoung hold his breath. It's a noticeable shift in the atmosphere. When Doyoung turns his head to the window Jaehyun feels no warmth. It's a reaction he can't govern when he revolves around Doyoung's celestial body.

"Jaehyun." The day grows closer. "Keep driving."

Jaehyun's foot was already off the gas pedal, ready to meet the point of his orbit's end. "Why?" he asks.

"I'm not ready to go home. I'm still upset with Taeyong."

"You should still go." In most cases Jaehyun wouldn't nudge Doyoung from his own judgement, but it's late. "He's probably asleep already."

Doyoung looks at him, the heat of his gaze pushing Jaehyun's mind into unusual rotation. "But I'm not ready to sleep."

Jaehyun lifts his foot off of the brake and lets the car run forward. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know." It's unusual to hear Doyoung say those words, but Jaehyun presses on the gas.

If Jaehyun refuses, he already knows what Doyoung will say.

_"Please. I need this."_

Jaehyun will never say no to what Doyoung needs.

"Can we go to your place?" Doyoung asks.

Jaehyun returns a pleading stare, but Doyoung can't see it from where he is. This isn't how he should want him, but Jaehyun will never not want Doyoung. Any revolutionary thoughts he has can withstand the little arrows of desire.

Doyoung's hand is cold when he rests it on top of Jaehyun's. Maybe in all this time Jaehyun's view has grown rusty and he doesn't know it. Nevertheless, Doyoung still shines in his own way.

Jaehyun rotates on and on.

**Author's Note:**

> the ingredients for this fic were allie x and mitski collaborating, word sprinting with kerrie, some strawberry ice cream, and day 7 of quarantine. i hope you're all staying safe and healthy!!
> 
> if you have any thoughts about this fic i'd love to hear them! thanks for reading ♡
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/idle_song) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/idlesong)


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